happy valentine

i do really love you
i love you with my whole life, body, and soul
i can do anything...for you only
i never imagine i can love someone this much
maybe i love you too much
but it is real and true
my dear love, i never love someone the way that i love you
happy valentine, my everlasting love...

lonely

i feel so lonely
all alone
what must i do?
how should i be?
what i feel is just loneliness

emptiness

today.. my tears keep flowing
i dunno why
lately, i almost never cry
i feel my self like a robot
doing things as usual
but i feel nothing
there's something inside my heart
something unspoken
something that i have to kept
something that i can't fight for
the truth that i have to deal with
it's hard.. very hard for me
i try to deal with my self for this
at first, i really can't take it
then..
i dunno how but then it seems that i can go thru that
but.. i just realize that i can't
what i feel is just emptiness inside my heart
that's what i really feel
so damn empty
till i think i'm just a dead-body that unaccidentally alive

how should i walk n go thru this?

i'm just an ordinary human
i'm not as strong as many people think bout me
maybe as you think bout me too
i'm not that strong, honey
how should i face this?
could you tell me please?

dunno

what must i do?
i dunno
it hurts me so bad

spending my time - roxette

What's the time?
Seems its already morning
I see the sky, its so beautiful and blue
The TV's on
But the only thing showing is a picture of you

Oh, I get up and make myself some coffee
I try to read a bit but the story's too thin
Then I thank the Lord above
That you're not there to see me
In this shape I'm in

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you think of me too
I'm spending my time

I try to call but I don't know what to tell you
I leave a kiss on your answering machine
Oh, help me please
Is there someone who can make me
Wake up from this dream?

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you are missing me too

I'm spending my time
Watching the sun go down
I fall asleep to the sound
Of 'tears of a clown'
A prayer gone blind

I'm spending my time

My friends keep telling me:
Hey, life will go on
Time will make sure will get over you
This silly game of love you play you win only to lose

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you are missing me too

I'm spending my time
Watching the sun go down
I fall asleep to the sound
Of 'tears of a clown'
A prayer gone blind

the story behind

when i heard everything that you said that night
there's nothing i can do
my tears dropped away
i have prepare for this worst case
but i deeply know that i won't be able to handle this
i know that you will tell me that way
i know it exactly, even before you talked
but i have to admit
that there's a piece of hope in my heart, mind, and soul
a hope that you'll change everything
that you'll decide other option
you ever told me before that you'll stay beside me if i asked you to
without realize it, i keep that word in my heart
i wish
i do really wish
i wish as much as i don't
that's why i never told you about my dreams before
i don't want to influence your decision with my problems and conditions
i want you to decide trully from your heart
i really want to tell you how my dream has changed
but i just keep it my heart only b'coz of that reason
that's why it hurts me a lot when i heard what you said that night
it really is
i just know that i'm gonna fall down
at that time, i just realize that even i try not to put too much hope to you, but i already did
that hope is even bigger than i can expect
it hurts
really hurts to heard that
i want to live with you
but..
it will never happen
never..
i just want you to know that i never..
never love a man like the way i love you

i had a dream

i had a dream for life
to be the best
to have everything
when i knew you
and you asked that question
i was also asking my self day by day
but as time goes by
slowly but sure..
i know that i've forget my dream
for you.. only for you
b'coz it's you
i want nothing but you
to be with you is all i ever want
i can be nobody
i may have nothing
i may have to work hard
i may have to leave everything i have, everyone i know
and live somewhere far away
to be with you only
i never want it before
but it has changed, just like that
i dunno how and when does it start
but this is real
this is the truth
this is what i feel
from the bottom of my heart
can you feel it?
can you understand?
i had a dream
and that's you!

it's over

i don't want to hear that
i can't take it
but.. i must
i can't stop crying
keep on crying
my tears fall down
can't be stop
i don't want to cry
i have promise to my self
sorry.. but i really can't
i have try my best
but..
it really hurts me a lot
..so painful..
not just for my heart
my soul
but my whole life
you blow everything up
into ashes..
after years.. this is what i get
..just pain..

the long conversation

i talked to you
what i felt since long time ago
what i kept for years
what kept in my heart
with tears that kept flow from my eyes
i told you almost everything
then.. i asked you to talk
to tell me the truth
i must know
there's silence among us
after that, you talked to me
you said that it's been so hard for you,
not only for me as i always think
you said that it also stress you a lot
you said you even cry when you can't stop think of me
so many things that you talk
many things that we talk
bla.. bla.. bla..
then we got into it
the decision
you said this n that things..
i said please think nothing as its consequences
i asked you to be honest
not just to me, but to your heart
that's the most important thing
that's what i wanna know
finally..
you said
it's not me that you choose
not me
i ask you again
the answer not change.. not me
so..
this is it
..the end..

waiting for tonight

tonight..
will you talk?
what you gonna say?
i can't stop think of it
altough i enjoy this moment with you
those questions stuck on my head
again..n..again..
then..
i asked you to talk
you said let's have dinner first
i asked you to promise that you'll kept your promise
you were getting mad
you yealed on me
you said you have told me yesterday
that you'll talk bout it tonight
why i kept on asking you that
you said you have promise
why can't i believe in you
i was so sad at the moment
honey..
i have wait for this for long times
i can't handle this
i wanna know as much as i don't
this is really hard for me
you broke your promise yesterday morning
n did it again in the night
what if you broke it again this night?
but you yealed like that
you never did that to me before
please understand my feeling on this
please..
i cried
you said don't cry
you said you didn't mad on me
you said you just want to enjoy the dinner
i can't stop crying
dunno why
my headache getting worse
i felt bad
but i decide to wait after dinner
i tried to calm down
i asked you to have dinner
i can't eat, my mouth feel nothing
but you pushed me too
that's why i try to eat some
just bcoz of you
hope you understand it
i did everything you said and asked
only because of you are the one i love

a day yesterday

we went for lunch yesterday
it's nice to be with him
it such a wonderful moment for me
nothing can be compare to this
this is the best i ever had
only the two of us
doing things together
share things together
then i went back to office
he went window shopping there
i told hime not to buy anything
just to look around
i will join him for shopping after work
i said i will accompany him to choose
he really did.. he just look around
not yet decide which one to be bought
i watched him try those clothes
helped him choose pants
helped him decide the best suit shirt for him
choose a shoe for him
it seemed really perfect for me
i feel more than just happy
even i felt not too good, it's just fine
i'm OK
after finished it all, we went to buy some food for dinner
then went back home
i felt much worst, getting cold n got headache
he hug me n hold my hands tightly
it's wonderful
really wonderful for me
i do love you

miracle

dear GOD,
i dunno what to be asked to
i can't think
i dunno what will happen tonight
please give me a miracle
do i ask You too much?
i dunno..
but that's all i can ask
..miracle..
amen.

waiting for a chance

i didn't want to ask you anything
i didn't want to broke our moments together
i didn't want to mess everything up
but..
i have to ask
i'm sorry.. i didn't want to, but i should
i must know
i think i have the right to know all
that's why i asked
as you said, you'll explain everything to me face to face
now.. i asked you
but you said you'll talk bout that in the night, not now
i can't say anything
i beg you to talk but you stand on your decision
all i can do is just try to understand
i'll wait until night
i already wait for years
to wait for only some hours, that wouldn't be a problem
that's what i thought
in the night..
i asked you to
just as your promise
but.. again..
you said we still have tomorrow
let's talk 'bout it tomorrow
i was crying n begging on you
but there's no use
you lock your mouth
not said anything, even a word
so.. again.. i have to wait
i was looking at you when you fall asleep
asking my self.. why should i have this love for you
why i love you this much
nothing i can do
just watched you
n so.. i cried
deep inside i know your decision
i'm not sure about
but i can feel it
slow but sure.. you made a distance with me
you made it so clearly between you and me
i dunno whether you realize it or not
but i feel it
even you're with me now
even you stay beside me at this moment
i really can feel that 'distance' between us
i'm afraid
i'm so worry but there's nothing i can do
just wait for you to talk to me straight away
waiting for your honest
deep inside.. i know that i have to prepare for the worst
i really have to
but.. i dunno how to
i know i'm going to lose you
i know my heart will be broke into pieces
i know i'm gonna fall
i have no idea how to face this
i just can wait
for tonight..
i wish..you'll say you'll stay beside me
forever n ever
even it seems impossible, but i do wish
you'll gonna say that to me
babe.. please..
i'm waiting..
for tonight..

perfect moments

yesterday..
i picked you up in the airport
'lil bit late.. but it's fine
the whole day, with you only
had lunch together
sat on you, hold our hands tightly
i'm so happy
nothing i can say
nothing i can do
just look up to you
we went for dinner n shopping
you chose something for me
ask me to chose for you
everything seems perfect
i do enjoy those moments!

love you

i love you
that's all i know
love you so much
like or dislike, i have to admit it
coz it really is
i try to deny it
i try to runaway from it
but it still...
love you!

waiting...

i miss you
miss you badly
you've been here for 3 days
but you have no time for me at all
am i still there?
...in your heart?
do i still have a place in your heart?
i have asked you so many times
but.. you never really answer it
why?
why don't you tell me the truth?
i am waiting for you
it's been years
isn't it enough?
i wanna know the truth
i dunno either i am ready for the worst or not
but..
maybe that will be better, to know the truth
i think i deserve it
so... please be honest..
to me...
and to your self
i dunno what's your decision
but i am here... waiting ...
..for you only..

where are you?

i have no idea where you are
try to call you many times
but there's no answer
you can't be reach
where are you?
do you remember someone's waiting for you?
do you realize it?
why don't you let me know where you are?